Stuntman And Lover Of Cheese

by Dan Bostonweeks

BART Can Be Fun!

So, normally my BART rides consist of me reading a book or magazine and a little bit of people watching. The last week has had some

interesting things though:

Last Tuesday I went home a little early because there had been a
bit of flooding due to a busted sprinkler system. Thankfully
nothing was wrong at the house, but on the way into the
[16th Mission]( "BART Maps!")
station the guy in front of me was walking on the left side of a
small hallway. People had to move out of his way and one guy got
particularly pissed that me, being on the right side of the hallway
didn't get out of his way. He did the 'shoulder hit' thing and said
to me "watch it bitch." Being the courteous bastard I am I replied
with a "whatever cocksucker." At this point he gets enraged and
starts bumping into me with his chest (given that he was a good 6
to 8 inches shorter than me I found this particularly humorous) and
repeating "what'd you say?" To this I decided to just stand my
ground and stare at him which could have been dumb if he had a
knife or gun, but it was crowded so I felt a little more confident.
Now, walking in I had seen the BART Police standing at the station
attendant's booth so I also wasn't too worried. Before I knew it
the officers had moved down to where we were (you see, the
"hallway" is actually just a concrete divider with a glass wall
that doesn't go all the way up). They asked if there was a problem
and I said "I don't have one, maybe this gentleman does." When they
looked at him he decided to take off running up the stairs, which
was where he was headed anyway. One of the cops then ran to a
nearby gate and was up the stairs after him. The other officer told
me to have a nice day and that I could go. Amazing, had they guy
not be dumb and ran (or caused a problem in the first place) he
probably would have gotten to just walk out of there. I guess when
you're dumb enough to have a warrant or be wanted you're dumb
enough to run.
  • The next day I was walking my usual route (yeah, bad idea, I know) from work to the BART. As I passed a low wrought iron fence that blocks off a small alley on the side of a house a man came over the fence. I freaked the hell out because, as is par for the course, people don’t generally jump over low wrought iron fences at me. As I was still walking down the sidewalk the man walked the same way I did. The first thing he said was “I hope I didn’t offend you.” So far, so good, he’s polite. “A man’s got to find a place to smoke his rock you know.” Oooookay. Now we’re on the same page. As I look over and down the small alley I see a woman pulling her pants up. Yup, smoked some rock and got it off too. Great. Anyway, for the remainder of the block we were on he proceeded to talk to me. Asking me if I wanted to by some 600mg Ibuprofin or if I knew if Codeine was better. A lovely conversation I tell you. At the next corner I turned and trucked it to the BART. Rude? Possibly, but the guy had a crazy look and little patches of hair that hadn’t been shaved off his head in an attempt at the Curly look. Eeee.

  • On Monday I was doing the usual. Bart to 16th Mission, accend the stairs, and then walk to work. This morning however I got the pleasure of being accosted at the top by a lady getting in my face and saying “JESUS LOVES YOU!” at the top of her lungs. My reply? “Good for him.” That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say. At that she attempted to stay in my face as I walked off and started calling me a heathen and an unbeliever. Now, mind you, those things aren’t necessarily untrue, but I mean, come on. You like Jesus and that’s good for you. Respect my choice to be an atheist and leave me the hell alone. I tell you, people.

The sad thing is I really like where I work, but I don’t like walking through the Mission any longer. It’s mostly the distance, and while not too bad, it could be better. It is, however, better than driving and trying to find a place to park.